fufhi's haven

just scroll for a little while
scroll to be entertained
scroll to smile
scroll to get excited
scroll to be inspired
scroll to feel sad
scroll to loose focus and hope
scroll to be frightened
scroll to interrupt my thoughts
scroll to forget time
scroll to blur everything
scroll to make me numb
for the pain

as im scrolling through old facebook posts
checking the lives of old friends
noticing my completely chaotic varying aesthetics and interests
altering all over the place throughout my life so far
i feel like im looking into an alternative reality
one could say: "you tried so many interesting things" but
i feel like i dont belong anywhere at all
i feel like wafting around in the vast nothingness
like i took a wrong turn after another
i feel...so lost and it
it hurts...oh so much

"your hands in my pocket, they warm me like summer sun
and i remember being unlucky, from my first day till now
you never talked to me, only when we drove outside this town
and im so fed up with being held, dont try to hold me now"

human tetris - things i dont need

where are you

i already miss
your hair
your scent
the feeling of finally
not having to worry anymore

you gave me innner peace
you gave me hope
last night
in my dreams

are you out there
somewhere

as we break it down
energy is running our body
nourished by food and water
likely our souls are too
sustained by the same

this energy is passed
through plants and animals
before being absorbed by us
a chain of transferring energy
that streches far

our souls
where do they go
when we die
they wont just vanish
into nothingness

the first law of thermodynamics declares
energy cannot be created
nor destroyed

so the world we know
is everything we are
we were
and ever will be

when we pass
our energy will slowly dissipate
into space
but never fully fade

i ponder
where do we journey to
how does it feel
what does the universe taste like

do you sometimes think about what you've said back then
and feel sorry for it too?

the feeling when autumn is in its first throes
its getting cold
mornings are dark
and you feel the urge to hide in blankets
with a cup of tea

it feels so nostalgic and pure
memories of your childhood
youre playing outside in the cold
you can feel how youre walking through a sea of
golden yellows browns and reds
the rustling of fallen leaves

then you notice the tears in your eyes
youre back into here and now
these memories keep coming and going in waves
until they eventually fade
forever

never have i ever
noticed the ugly smell of the city
and their streets

that makes everything feel
like a dream im either waking up from
or falling into the arms of

what else did i miss noticing?
what is even true?
what is real?

sitting in a crowded place
everyone is in a rush
living in their own universe
im in mine
alone

so many galaxies swirling around
kinda chaotic
and still
they barely collide
nor even take notice of each others existence

almost like looking up into the night sky
from earth
it seems so full and bright
yet it is mostly dark
and empty

do you remember
the smell of window color?

"ich träum den traum der einsamkeit
ich träum den traum, bist du bereit?
lass niemanden mehr in dein herz
leb deinen traum, verbann den schmerz"


welle:erdball - traum der einsamkeit

fall-ish heart


listening to a world dampened by the hour
breathing fresh shivery air
a white curtain is blurring sight
lush greens, the first rustling yellow
smoothly
soothing
time persists
a glimpse into eternity

i just want to float
head is full
memories
thoughts
ideas
racing
it´s a mess
nowhere to hold
inbetween all of them
the world is upside down
when it´s going to end?
i just want to float
in peace
again

"bin ich stets gefangen wie ein kleiner engel flügellos
tief in einer welt dessen menschen mich rücksichtslos
quälen mit wirklichkeit dessen inhalt mir so leer erscheint
wie der tränenfluss eines träumers der dem tag nachweint
-
bin ich eingesperrt in dem kerker meiner phantasie
wo nichts überlebt das von außen in mich dringen will
denn die wirklichkeit würd zerstören die harmonie
die mich sanft beschützt vor den menschen und vom altagsdrill
-
treib ich schweigsam fort wie ein losgelöstes blatt im wind
in die einsamkeit als der erdenwelt verlornes kind
diese wirklichkeit der gesellschaft ist mir viel zu fremd
träum ich mich hinauf in die sphären wo mich keiner kennt
-
ist realität nur die folge der notwendigkeit
warheit zu erkennen die uns tief im geiste einverleibt
doch was ist schon wahr und so schön an dieser geistigkeit
wenn dem träumenden sie als tränen in die augen steigt?"


mantus - kleiner engel flügellos

late at night when im in bed
the sky clears up
the stars are gathering
everything feels so minute

the feeling of
observing our planet
from space
capturing the world as a whole

you realise our floating rock is
just a grain in the universe
and all off a sudden
everything we achieved
seems so pointless

what is our role in this big picture
what are we then
as an individal?

been tired
of thinking
of trying again
tired of being exhausted

certainty


just sitting around, like every day
afraid of thinking that way
-
there is no one i can see
someone who can help me
-
though there is a light
outside in the night
-
but how can i reach
when i cant believe
-
what i want is certainty
otherwise i go astray
-
dont know what to do
i dont wanna loose you
-
by the way of apology
i want to say
-
please dont leave
cause youre all i need